by Janki Mikhil
I don't have a very big story or anything that takes me in connection to years. My story is a story of 2 days. (Diagnosis- Mycoplasmosis).
I removed her from her coop and placed her beside me. I thought I'd keep her right next to me throughout the night. I put the light on top of her and adjusted her bed.
She had passed a bit of motion so I cleaned that space and slightly adjusted her head. Then just what she loved, I started caressing her head.
The most beautiful thing I felt with her is she knew me. She just knew it when I was around. She knew me and deep in my heart I feel she was waiting for me to be with her in her last moment.
Because as soon as I started caressing her head I felt her body relax she lifted her one eyelid slightly up and from that small space she saw me and took her final breath. A little yellow liquid came out of her mouth and she stopped breathing. Her body lay lifeless in my hand. It's one emotion I will never be able to put to words what I felt in that moment.
I called my husband and gave him the news and we decided to bury her immediately. I wrapped her in the warm cloth and I put money along because I believe it will take her to her next life filled with riches and luxury.
We took her to our backyard garden and dug a small grave and laid her to rest over there. I gave he a small heart gravestone marking "-RIP- LOVE BLUSH". I was quite robotic just shedding tears because I couldn't express the feeling my heart had. I prayed for her safe passing and then headed back to the house.
I was so robotic that I cleared out the lights and her coop from near my bed and then got into bed. All I could do was cry silently and not say a word.
The next day I kept breaking down from time to time but I wouldn't speak much. Today is the second day of her passing and I haven't cried today, but the weight in my heart is still as much as it was the day she went.
I'll tell you something.. it was only 2 days that I had her but in those 2 days she became such a huge part of me that her passing has left a hole in my soul. People around me don't understand and they keep saying "it's alright, she is not in pain anymore, she has gone to a better place, you knew her just for two days how much will you cry for her, you have to be positive and think of her that she is in a happy place."
Everything made sense to my head but nothing made sense to my heart. My heart knew just one thing she is gone and I couldn't do anything to keep her safe.
I keep asking myself this question that was I the one to kill her? Because I had never raised a chick did I do something wrong that killed her? Should I have not rescued her from the empty house, probably she was meant to survive there and bringing her with me made it bad?
I've been asking myself so many questions and I have no answers because at the end of all this I will never know.
I'm a very very strong person emotionally and I can take a lot of emotional pain. I can say this because I've lost my younger sister to Epilepsy when I was 16. I survived that loss and I know I'm going to survive this too.
I've lost adopted pets before and I've felt immense pain but this has hit me inside so deep that I can't express. Nothing makes sense to me. All I can say is she knew me and I her. I'm going to miss her chirps. She sensed me so she would chirp happily whenever I came to her.
When I would put my hand in her coop she would run to my hand and climb and perch. She would nuzzle he head and body against mine for comfort. She would follow my hand around in her coop. Every time she saw me come she would want to jump out of her coop and come to me.
I'm going to miss it all. I'm going to miss her a lot. Deep attachment isn't just defined by time sometimes it's defined by the bond of love, sometimes it's a connection of the past birth.
Whichever reasoning fit with Blush and me, I can only say it was beyond all definitions and explanations to me. She was my baby girl and she'll always be my baby girl.
R.I.P my baby Blush- I'll love you till the end of time.
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