(Zaprešić, state of Croatia)
You just want them back. You want to go to them. You want to see if they are fine. You can't cope with their deaths.... She left too soon. That is what I am always repeating to myself. Too soon…
You just want to see them one last time. You want to touch them just one last time.
I kept denying that it all happened.
Roxy was special because she was the purest of them all. I had another chicken, Mila, who was very similar in character to Roxy. She was so loving, so kind and gentle, she wouldn’t even hurt an ant, let alone anyone else. She would never peck at any of the other chickens.
Roxy was even more special because she was a piece of me, she seemed like a soulmate. I could look at her eyes and she would look back just the same.
She would gently bite you when she wanted you to give her your love. And when I crouched down, she climbed on the tips of her toes just to be closer to me. When I would lean over, she would push her head up against my neck . If I sat by her side, she would climb on me and sit in my lap, gently cuddling and leaning onto my shoulder as if she was asking for a hug.
Sometimes when I would crouch to do something around the yard, she would jump on my back and climb towards my shoulder, just to be there. That’s why she was so special to me. She was not just a chicken. She wanted to hug. She wanted to show you affection and love she held for you.
She left too soon. I held her even after she died, as long as she was warm. I could not believe she was gone... she was one of a kind. I held her in my arms as I felt the remaining specks of life in her, and I cried inconsolably...
You always feel guilty. You think, I could have given her more. She deserved it all. I could have given her more love, I could have given her more and more of anything she could ever wish for... she deserves more than anyone could ever offer, deserves the whole world and endless love. She truly was the purest of them all. She was the most passionate chicken I have ever met. The strongest. I felt like she had the strength of a bull and a horse combined in one..
Someone told me “we are all finite beings.” But why?
When you tell someone how you feel, they tell you "don't bother yourself so much" or “don’t let yourself burn out”, they tell you that we are all finite beings and that we have to move on ... :(
She was the kindest and wildest angel at the same time.
Something came to my mind a few weeks ago. Thoughts and premonitions as if this is the last time you see someone. And I kept repeating “no, no, this isn’t happening”. And nothing happened.
But then I began to think hard about how I can’t stand her death in particular. I can't. And I was thinking about how I was going to endure it, and all the worst scenes came to my mind. And that has happened now and I can't cope with it…
I wasn't ready. It happened too soon. She left too soon... And I told myself I would never be able to get over her death, and I never will...
She really is an angel. She was so full of passion. She was as pure as a daisy, pure and gentle like a soft snowflake. I will never forget her and hope to see her one day, whenever that day may come. I truly hope so. I hope she will be waiting for me, so she can stay in my lap for hours and hours again. I miss her so, so much, and I will see her someday, I know I will. We will be together once more, embraced in a warm hug just like we were before.
That night after she died, I had a dream that she came back to life, that she shook a little bit, woke up and everything was okay. She walked merrily across the meadow just like she used to and looked at me here and there as she dug and searched and explored the grassy land before her.
As the days went by, I still thought I was not worthy of her. She deserves everything, she deserves eternal love, warmth, strong hugs and eternal peace. Every time I went to the yard, I asked myself „where is my beautiful girl?“ She will always be my beautiful little, girl. My pretty sweetheart. I love her, and I will always love her, forever, and ever. She is part of my heart, part of my soul, part of my thoughts, my whole heart… she fulfilled me with her powerful aura. I just wish I could hold her in my arms forever.
I miss her so much. I want her back, I want to feel her feathers and feel the warmth of her skin, I want to feel her lean against my neck again. I want to have her in my lap again and I want to carry her around the meadow. My baby. I want to give her kisses in the head like I used to, I miss holding her tight as long as she wished to stay.
Roxy radiated such powerful energy. She was so capable of giving and receiving love. She was so small but so strong at the same time and eager for companionship. That’s what was so unique about her.
That's why I miss 10,000 times more and I keep telling myself I could have given her more and more and more just like she was eager to give.
The saddest thing of all is that her death happened this year on Christmas Eve... I didn't expect it to happen so quickly... I didn't expect her to leave us so soon... of all the days, she left on Christmas Eve.
It was simply too soon…
I came across your video while researching sudden chicken death and I really liked it, it touched my heart. I really loved it when you said you made your chicken a memorial so other people can leave a tribute to their little loved ones. Truly honorable and wonderful💕
I really hope we will all be together one day, me and all my beautiful chickens, my little dinosaurs.
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